The Runaway Mouth
It’s another guest blogger day! Today’s post is by my friend Tracy at I Hate My Messageboard. If you don’t already read her blog, you should. I recommend A WHOLE chicken in a CAN and 15 Options Facebook Needs To Offer, but really, everything is good.
You can also read my guest post on I Hate My Messageboard, which ran yesterday: Summer Lovin’ I’m not necessarily saying it’s a good idea, just that you can do it.
It was totally not my fault that I walked into the men’s room at Costco yesterday. Everyone knows that the lady’s room should be to the right and what’s up with those restrooms with no door, only a corridor? You can’t see the sign on the door if there is no door.
So, I walk in, see a guy at the urinal, realize my mistake, say “Sorry!” and walk right out. The end.
Not exactly blogworthy, is it? But, afterward, as I sat in the ladies room for a good 45 minutes waiting for the coast to clear, I realized that it was an unmistakable sign of how very far I’ve come in my journey towards personal growth and abundant awesomeness.
Let me tell you how the same event would have gone a year or so ago.
“Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, I AM SO SORRY! I don’t know HOW this HAPPENED!!! Usually I am so good at reading signs and following directions but I’ve been in Costco for the last hour and I think the lack of windows and natural light messes with my brain somehow. You know, I think they do it on purpose so that you get discombobulated and walk around in circles and just keep tossing things into your cart, and it works, you know?
Plus, I’m totally nearsighted so even if I did see the sign, maybe they used one of those ambiguous pictures and I couldn’t really tell if it was a boy or a girl, but that’s good, too in a way because that means I totally didn’t see your willy. NOT THAT I’M SAYING IT’S NOT CLEARLY VISIBLE!!! It’s just you’re facing the urinal, I’m facing the stalls and anyway, even if I did see your little man it’s no big deal because I’ve got five sons! I’ve seen more penises than most urologists!
Wait, wait, that came out wrong, I’m just saying that you know, I’ve changed a lot of diapers so it’s not really a big deal to me anymore. But all my kids except for one have the same dad, so I’m the nice kind of lady that walks into the men’s room, not like one of those truck stop ladies that I’ve heard about.
Anyway, I am so sorry and embarrassed and I hope that this hasn’t been too traumatizing for you. I’m just going to go now, okay? And we’ll just pretend this never happened. Seriously, it probably happens every day, right? You know though, it’s really disconcerting talking to you like this without making eye contact. It makes me think you’re mad at me. Are you mad at me? I mean, because it’s not like I did this on purpose….”